A Letter To You

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I took a taxi the other afternoon because, after running some errands, I decided mid walk, I didn't want to use my own two feet to make it the rest of the way home. Oddly enough, or just how life works, I had stopped exactly at a bus stop. A woman about 10 ft away from me commented how on Sundays the bus always takes so long. I asked if she was going the way I was, and she kind of shrugged; little did she know she could have been on her way, but she didn't bother to inquire more about what I meant. We were two people waiting to get somewhere else. I had already called the car, and eventually, she just couldn't wait for the bus much longer. She made her way away from the hundreds of footstep imprints in the snow made by a whole other set of people that at some point were looking to go the same direction. I called the driver since I thought my app had froze from the cold.

I had a few bags, and I sat the biggest one on the bench I stood over. When the driver answered, he said something about a truck trying to clean the snow, that he was on his way, but this was blocking the road. He said, "It's about to move, but I’m on my way". I looked at my hands and tried to cover them on top of each other to warm myself up, and then started thinking, when was the last time I used some gloves. I like to have my hands free a lot of the time, so I realized quickly why I never put them on; who was going to change the song I had playing in my headphones once it was over? A whole 10 minutes, or according to the app, a long but justified, paused, 4 minutes later, he made it. This was the second time I used this service in particular, and I noticed how both drivers had the front seat available, so I asked this time if I could sit there; he nodded and said yes openly.

There was really nothing like being in a car after you were done with walking. It felt deserving, like a finally, I’m comfortable, relaxed, and wow, look at all these blocks I’ve gone down, it never felt like this many; now you saw and wiped your eyes twice with: how did that part of that building get there, I could hardly ever notice that much from all the way down here. Even in brief, cordial conversation after greeting one another and getting situated with all my things, I still enjoyed riding in silence in my own way, meaning, I could be listening to the hum of the radio or even when they pick up the phone from a loved one, either way, I always seemed to find a sweet no sound moment where it was just me and myself looking out the window, absorbing the look of the pavement, being one with rhythm and pattern of rolling along, light after light.

As we talked on this short but chill detour of mine, he mentioned how he approached his profession, what a day 'complete' could look like, and how he didn't fight with life even if the day went left. As we went up one block in particular for me that had such sharp, vivid memories from last winter, he listed out to me the countries he would soon visit. I think he stopped around the number 8. There may have been more even, but I asked if it was a cruise he was describing. We were passing a church while then. He asked if I lived where we were going, to which I responded yes. He smiled and said we were neighbors and that he stayed nearby. When we approached the arrival spot, he looked into the bag closest to my feet and asked if that was the kind of stuff I ate. Again, my answer was yes. I had forgotten I had one bag to the left of me, his right, with some books I got from my last stop before I realized I didn't want to walk anymore. As he was about to pass it over to me, he asked, you read? I guess yeses came in threes. He suggested exchanging information just in case I ever needed another ride. Prior to this, and in between him realizing how close we lived to each other, we noticed how we both frequented one place often but had never seen each other until today. I picked up each bag as I got out the car, carrying two on one arm and one on the other, trying to step carefully around the slush or almost still snow. He mentioned him being around if I needed to go anywhere; to just call. I said my thank you's and went about my way.

Maybe about 15-ish, maybe even less minutes later, I thought to myself, I was so focused on the two stores that I went to, not letting anything on my list slip my mind, to then holding what I got and making sure to not to lose that, that I forgot something important. I did some math in my head, mentally twiddled my thumbs about the probability of this and that, observed my surroundings, and said to myself, do I really want to go out again in these temps and get this? I’d have to go even further from where he picked me up to get what I was thinking about. I looked up this item on my phone quickly to see if they had it any closer to me, where I currently was. Whenever you want something specific, you checked if they had it before you left out the door. I then reached out to see if he was around. Who knows, maybe he had just picked up another passenger right after me. I also didn't think I'd need another ride so soon. He said he hadn't gone far and that he would head over. He verified which block and ave it was again and said to be outside. This time around, he had reminded me to put my seatbelt on, I guess before, with so many things, he hadn't thought to mention it. Before I almost didn't say soon enough to make the left to drop me off, he revisited the profession conversation and inquired more about what I did for a living.

He questioned simply, "So do you find your people, or they find you?" I paused internally, hmm, no one had asked me this before. I looked around a bit and answered how I saw fit, giving a general summary of the results I’ve lived so far. As the car got close to the curb on the corner, he signaled he'd wait for me, to which I replied, 2 minutes. I made my way around the store to the back and eyed the shelves, and said out loud, "What's the difference." Stores had their habits of selling a lot with little explanation to differentiate. At the end of the day, more options made people feel like they needed more, that they had something missing from them that needed to be filled. I got out the section after I made a decision. It was rare that I checked out with a person when I went most places unless it wasn’t an option. I often did a lot of self-check-outs to just continue on and move into whatever else I had going on. Sometimes you do need help if a machine bugs out, but usually you're quicker than the cashier. This afternoon in particular, it was true. As my two minutes expired a long time ago, I placed my items on the counter as this gentleman checked them out, beep, beep. I asked him a question about something, and he said no. I had a feeling he was wrong, but I was thinking about the clock, so I didn't mind; it was nothing serious anyway. I asked about the cash back situation so I could pay the driver, which is why I went to them first, because self-checkout never let you do that, and he said sure, you just need to insert a card with a chip. I had one, so I tried, and the card reader just kept roaming; nothing was happening, it looked like a glitch. He was patient initially, saying just wait, then he said try again. After a while, he said let's do it again. He played around with the computer; I wasn’t even paying so close attention because I just wanted to pay and get out of there. I attempted with the card, and same thing, nothing was changing. As I saw that I was going to eventually need to go to self-checkout anyway, a lady nearby was talking loud, asking questions like she wasn't in public, wondering how to work the screen on her own. I was about to be next to her in the self-checkout line, as the gentleman walked me over. Before I made my way there, I got a routine phone call, so I picked up. Between the lady, trying to hear, and remembering my things, a lot was happening at the same time. I put the items on the scanner as I was recorded probably from 6 different angles. The lady kept going on to the gentleman about how to use the screens. I put my details in, used the bag from the original attempted checkout, grabbed the receipt, and looked behind me to check if I had everything. As I pushed open the door that was supposed to be automatic the closer you got to it, I saw that the driver had waited for me. He had the trunk open, for him or for me, I have no idea. After he saw me, he unlocked the door, and I got back in the front. We rode down the avenue to where we came from, heading back home. I was still on the phone, watching my surroundings, and continuing another conversation. The driver listened in passively. After a few, he slowed down and swerved through the double-parked cars up to where he would finally park, my stop. I said what I believed was my last goodbye or "so long" as an afterschool teacher of mine once said in reference to using that as a better farewell. I got inside and later in the night, into the next morning, his question lingered.

Who was destined to find, and who was meant to be found?